I've been missing a lot of doctor appointments the past couple months and my doctor is becoming seriously concerned about that so I wrote her a letter this morning which I emailed a few minutes ago. After I sent the email, I thought, well, I may as well use the content on the blog!
I made it to your office on Friday. And as soon as I arrived I became ill. I felt so light-headed I had to sit on the pavement in front of a car in your building's parking lot for nearly a half hour before I could stand again.
My heart was beating fast and I was sweating so much it was running down my neck trickling on to my stomach! It's not the first time that's happened to me so I'm beginning to think my brain issues are stress related. I used to think it was because of the many brain injuries I received in street fights and in jail gang brawls throughout the years. I still get the electricity running through the back of my eyeballs some mornings, but it really occurs when I am stressed or when I become angry.
At any rate, the reason I decided to write this email is to thank you for understanding that my inability to make appointments is related to mental health issues and not because I don't care about my well-being [because I do]. I am taking better care of myself now than I ever have in my entire life. I've reduced the amount of drugs and cigarettes I smoke by more than half, and I make sure to eat every day... so there is forward progress.
The only evidence I have of behavioral changes is I've weighed the same for the last year which is a lot better than the year before when I dropped to 130 pounds and didn't care about anything but getting high and smoking cigarettes. I don't even drink alcohol anymore which is a small miracle for someone that consumed a half gallon of Vodka every day for many years.
I hope to see you on November 9th. Thank you again for your understanding and your help.