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| Drugs are Sneaky |
Hello Journal,
Long time no see! I know I haven't written in a few months, but I have been
changing my life so there's no need to worry as I'm still working on creating lasting change.
One of the the main things I have to report is that I am nowhere near where I was a year ago, or longer. Today, I can remain sober for 3 or 4 days while some months I'll go an entire week without using drugs and I like it. I'm slowly getting used to it and I'm hoping it'll stick since I'm not rushing it as I've done in the past. Actually, I'm just going with the flow if that makes sense.
When I want to get high, I get high and when I don't I simply do not purchase drugs. Today is Friday. Wednesday and Thursday I remained sober. Thursday night the thought of getting high entered my mind for a few minutes, but I simply said, "I don't want to get high" and that was the end of it. The old timers at
Alcoholics Anonymous say it gets easier with time and they're right.
It's no longer a big drawn out conversation with myself as to whether or not I'll consume drugs. When I don't want to I simply say no and, for the most part, it's been working extremely well for me. I've come a long way from the "
Get Sober or Commit Suicide" frame of I maintained a year ago.
Maybe one of the biggest reasons for my change is because I did tried to commit suicide. I injected a lot of heroin. Enough to kill two men, but I woke up the next day. I slept for the better part of three days and I was a little sick in the beginning, but I woke up. Again!
I should be dead because I did more heroin than most people do at one time. But here I am. I've tried to committ suicide 3 or 4 times and every time I wake up the next day so I'm not going to try it again as it's better to be sober. And life is more enjoyable sober!
Addiction is Cunning and Baffling and Works its Way In
I know how sneaky my addiction can be so I'm almost always prepared. Don't get me wrong, I am not impervious to cravings for drugs.
Far from it. I know very well that at any moment I could go back to consuming $100 or $200 a day and still want more.
There have been more nights than I can count where I consumed a couple hundred dollars worth of drugs then layed in bed wanting to get more. But I just don't want that life any more.
In fact, I don't even hang out on the streets any longer. I stay home! It's not the life I want for myself, maybe because I am 50 years of age or because I simply don't want to walk the streets hustling money to get the drugs. Something inside me has really changed and I like it.
At any rate, I'll write more next week :-) The text below is an an article I just posted on
ricoramiro.kinja.com.
Kinja oh Kinja! How do I like thee? Let me count the ways :-)
You are one of the best blogging platforms online. You’re so nimble and yet powerful. When I’m in your editor things simply go well as there aren’t any of the problems I usually encounter with those other ‘top heavy’ blogging platforms.
It’s easy to post content on
Kinja.com as compared to the other blogging platforms available today.
It is simply too easy to post a quick article or picture on Kinja.com that I’m not sure why I perform the task once or twice a week! No more, saith ricoramiro.
From now on, I’ll grace your post editor at least once a week. I may even start another blog on this network and give up the
SEO Content Writer blog I’ve been posting to on WordPress. That blog takes an extremely long time to load and to perform other functions.
Every time I have to perform a task such as install or uninstall a plugin or post content, it take a very long time because I have to wait at least 30 seconds between tasks while the browser finishes working on the taks. It’s a pain in the neck.
Today I was thinking I have to do something else because it doesn’t make sense for me to use 1/2 an hour to do something that should take only 10 to 15 minutes at most. Something has to give. I’m tired of watching the white of my screen while the browser performs it functions!
