Follow by Email

Tuesday, November 11, 2014

Happy Veterans Day to everyone who has risked their life

http://nbcnews.to/1zHU3v9

The link of right above this sentence is for a news story about the VA and the VA new chief. Didn't you chief plans to shake up the organization so that no more veterans have to wait too long to see a doctor or to get diagnosed.

As an addict I know a lot of service members that are also addicts many of them homeless. Sometimes we forget that soldiers are also people... they have feelings and desires just like everybody else. When they get home from war they want to be able to transition to normal life without fighting and without guns.

Thursday, November 6, 2014

Update of My Status

Hello everyone. I know it has been a long time since I posted on this blog. I moved out of the rehab I was living in and I am now in a hotel room on the 17th and Valencia.

Its not a bad hotel room. I've been here almost a month I moved in October 7th to today is like November 5th something like that.

I seem to have gotten stuck when I moved in here. There are a lot of reasons that I feel like I'm stuck to the main one is the change. For some reason I don't do very well with change. When a big life change occurs I get stuck I don't know what to do, I can't make decisions, or I go on a long drug binge. That hasn't happened to me yet and I feel like I'm getting unstuck.

The reason I know I'm stuck is because I'm not doing the same things I was doing at the rehab and I'm not working I'm not doing my affirmations that basically I'm just laying in this bed in this hotel room watching TV all day. While I was at the rehab I used to read, I used to work by writing articles I used to do a lot of stuff and since I moved in this room I haven't really done much. I kind of feel I'm becoming on stuff.

I need to become on stock because I need to start working again don't know how long I'll be in this position but I know it won't be for very long. I need to work to make money. They haven't worked for the last 30 days and you know it it's time for me to start working again and start doing something constructive. I need to start making decisions. One of the main things that always seems to get me stuck is the inability to make decisions.

At any rate, I think that I'm going to start writing every day again or at least 4 times a week so stay tuned and thank you again for reading my blog trying to change my life.

Saturday, October 4, 2014

Self-Help Book on Changing Your Life

There are plenty of books on changing your life. In this article I will talk about the book Key to Yourself which was written by Dr. Venice Bloodworth. She was an inspiration to many people before she passed away and she was also known through her works, to many...  
There are plenty of books on changing your life.  In this article I will talk about the book Key to Yourself which was written by Dr. Venice Bloodworth.  She was an inspiration to many people before she passed away and she was also known through her works, to many people within and around the vicinity of Atlanta, Georgia, as teacher, counselor, and friend.

Dr. Bloodworth received her doctorate in psychology from Northwestern University which is located in Chicago.   She didn’t limit her teachings only to psychology and what she learned in school.  Venice Bloodworth enjoyed talking about Jesus and how what he taught can be practiced by anyone in the world.  She enjoyed teaching people how to change their life so they can be happy.

In the Book Key to Yourself she talks about how Jesus told one of his disciples to walk to him on the water.  Jesus didn't say to his follower to walk only if the sea was calm or anything else.

He said, "Come!" and the disciple did walk on the water just as Jesus was doing.  But the disciple became afraid and he sank into the sea.  That's when Jesus said, "Oh ye of little faith, why did you doubt?"
Book Cover Key to Yourself
by Dr. Venice Bloodworth

One of the most important things I learned in Key to Yourself is to perform affirmations in the present tense.  When you want something write your affirmation as if you already have what you want.

For example, instead of writing, 'Can I have a 2014 Camaro' you're supposed to write, 'I now own a 2014 Camaro'.  And you have to say your affirmation over and over for 10 minutes at a stretch if you want it to be effective.

I've been able to perform miracles with my mind.  You can too!

To get what you want out of life you simply write an affirmation then you say it over and over for 10 minutes at a time.  Say it every morning shortly after you wake up and every night right before you go to sleep.

You may be wondering how long it'll take for your affirmation to manifest.  I wish I had an answer for you, but I don't.  The only thing I can say is that I have made things happen in a matter of minutes and things have taken months to manifest in my life.

What ever you do, don't stop saying your affirmation until what you want manifests in your life.  If you stop the affirmation,, the universe will stop working to get it for you and you'll go back to the way your was before you began performing the exercise.

I don't know why this happens.  I have experienced it, so trust me when I tell you that you cannot stop your affirmation until it happens.  

In describing her work Dr. Bloodworth has said this: "The method is always the same, regardless of what is to be accomplished. First, the idea. Second, visualizing the idea. Third, manifesting the idea. First we make a decision; then, we use the marvelous function of the mind, the imagination, which I call the workshop of the mind, to visualize this change. Since it is a law that energy follows thought, then when the thoughts are flowing in a positive manner, we get positive results."

Key to Yourself Book Description


The beauty of Key to Yourself is seen through Venice Bloodworth’s insightful approach to combining modern psychology and the very same principles taught thousands of years ago by master teachers such as Jesus. 

In searching for her own spiritual enlightenment, Venice Bloodworth found the root of true happiness based on concepts of spiritual psychology that disclosed the power of the mind to think itself to wellness, prosperity, and peace. Although the world has changed drastically over time, people are still confronted with the same fears and inner conflicts. Key to Yourself meets these challenges with ageless wisdom and boundless compassion.

This beautifully written book puts forth new concepts of reality. Bloodworth felt these concepts, which are inherent in most religious philosophies, would be proven by modern psychology. 

In fact, they have been proven by modern physics. Bloodworth's book reduces complexities to simple to understand certainties in much the same way the movie "What the Bleep Do We Know" puts theories of physics into easily understood pictures. Her work will uplift even the most down trodden spirit.

If you want to purchase the book Key to Yourself click on the link in this sentence.  As always, thank you for reading the Trying to Change My Life blog.  Please take a moment to leave a positive comment.  And please be sure to post a link to your blog so I can go visit :=)

Monday, September 29, 2014

I Just Spent Two Hours Trying to Make a Decision

It is 8:50 p.m. here San Francisco and I’ve just spent the better part of the last couple hours trying to decide what to do for the evening. At first I wanted to write an article for HubPages. A couple days ago I downloaded a few thousand private label rights articles on various topics and I as I was going through all the folders I got lost.
I got lost because I couldn’t decide on which article to rewrite!  So I debated a little about trying to find an ebook to rewrite to post on Amazon’s Kindle Publishing platform.  After about an hour of going back and forth on the Amazon idea, I gave up and started looking for free blogger templates so I could change the design of this blog.

Oh my God!  I decided I couldn’t look for blogger templates yet because my wifi account on T-Mobile had already reached its 7 gigabyte limit and I had already spent an extra $20 purchasing more air time.  Jeez.

Now I am writing this article.

I had a pretty good day today.  I bought a book on Amazon about how to publish ebooks on Amazon and make money.  My account on HireWriters was frozen probably because I had a dispute with a client and he ‘ratted’ on me.

At any rate, it’s going to be a good thing whatever happens.  If HireWriters doesn’t reinstate my account, I’ll simply open another one.  I already signed up for another account but I don’t know if they will be able to tell the new account request came from this computer. 

I know I’m just rambling!  I just don’t know what to do today.  Maybe I’m screwed up today because of HireWriters freezing my account.  I’m sure everything will be better tomorrow.

To be honest, I’m really not worried because I always find a way to make money.  Even if it is just a couple of bucks, I always make money.  I’m just hardwired that way. 

I’ve been making money for myself since I was 11 years old and started a paper route.  There I go again rambling.  I’m sorry.

Where was I?  I was talking about HireWriters banning my account.  Oh yeah, I know what I’ll do now.  I’m going to find a place that’ll let me write for money like HireWriters.


Thanks for the idea!

Thursday, September 25, 2014

Live Better by Avoiding Stress in Your Life

A recent study has proven that stress is a killer.  That study was unnecessary because doctors have known that stress isn’t healthy for more than five decades.  Money problems, relationship issues and issues in the work place all cause stress.  While you can’t always avoid stress, you can take a number of steps that will help you deal with it a lot better and maybe even eliminate from your life entirely.

One of the best things you can do right now is to make a list of all the things that are causing stress in your life now.  Writing a list is incredibly helpful because by looking at the things that upset you, or stress you out, you can begin to avoid unnecessary people and places that are the causes of some of your stress.

When you finish the list take a look at whether or not there are ways to avoid them.  For example, if going to a certain store causes you stress because of the employees or a bad experience, you can begin to avoid that store.  You should also begin to avoid people that cause you stress even if they are your relatives.  

Stress Can Affect Your Attitude and Behavior

Stress affects the way you think and act, and it can even damage your body, so it’s something you should take seriously.   Key things that can help you avoid stress include learning to manage your time by setting a better schedule, finding more time to relax, and cutting out some unnecessary stressful activities.
Some of the short term effects of stress on your body include:

  • A faster heartbeat
  •  Headaches
  •  Stiff muscles and shoulders
  •   Back pain
  •   Faster breathing
  •   Sweating
  •   Upset stomach and nausea
  •  Diarrhea


The list above doesn’t include the mental effects of stress.  Stress can change the way you think about situations and other people, and it can make you angry for no reason at all.  It can also make it harder for you to concentrate at work or at simple tasks at home such as cooking.

The longer you carry excess stress, the worse the effects become.  In fact, long term stress can compromise the immune system and make it harder to stay healthy.  Stress can be very harmful to your heart, causing high blood pressure and an abnormal heartbeat as well as blood clots. 

Ulcers and other stomach problems can be caused or made worse by stress. This is only a short list of the effects stress can have on your body. 

Exercises You Can Perform Every Day to Lessen Stress

So, now that you know what can happen if you don't deal with your stress, how do you deal with it?  There are a number of ways you can deal with stress.  Listed below you’ll find the best methods for dealing with stress you can begin using today.  This list was compiled by WebMD:

A Few Exercises to Help You Deal with Every Day Stress


Breathe Deeply

Take a 5-minute break and focus on your breathing. Sit up straight, eyes closed, with a hand on your belly. Slowly inhale through your nose, feeling the breath start in your abdomen and work its way to the top of your head. Reverse the process as you exhale through your mouth.

“Deep breathing counters the effects of stress by slowing the heart rate and lowering blood pressure,” psychologist Judith Tutin, PhD, says. She's a certified life coach in Rome, GA.

Be Present

Slow down.  “Take 5 minutes and focus on only one behavior with awareness,” Tutin says. Notice how the air feels on your face when you’re walking and how your feet feel hitting the ground. Enjoy the texture and taste of each bite of food.

When you spend time in the moment and focus on your senses, you should feel less tense.

Reach Out

Your social network is one of your best tools for handling stress. Talk to others -- preferably face to face, or at least on the phone. Share what's going on. You can get a fresh perspective while keeping your connection strong.

Tune In to Your Body

Mentally scan your body to get a sense of how stress affects it each day. Lie on your back, or sit with your feet on the floor. Start at your toes and work your way up to your scalp, noticing how your body feels.

“Simply be aware of places you feel tight or loose without trying to change anything,” Tutin says. For 1 to 2 minutes, imagine each deep breath flowing to that body part. Repeat this process as you move your focus up your body, paying close attention to sensations you feel in each body part. 

Thanks for reading my Trying to Change My Life blog.  Please post a comment to let us know how you deal with stress in your life.  If you have something that works very well on stress, we’d love to hear about it.

I Just Joined Bloglovin Blog Network

Hello Peeps,

I just joined the Bloglovin network of blogs.  The site helps people organize all the blogs they enjoy reading.

You can read all your favorite blogs in one place which can be a time saver for people like me.  Plus, it helps me get inspiration for articles I want to write to post here.

At any rate, I'm excited :-) >>>Follow my blog with Bloglovin

Saturday, September 20, 2014

Important Steps You Can Take to Prevent Dementia Today and Tomorrow

I think I've written on this blog before that I subscribe to a website named the Daily Challenge.  Today the site present me with this article How to Avoid Dementia.  And it's so important I thought I'd pass it along.

It's a quick read so it'll only take a moment of your time.  It can help you learn how to avoid other stuff when you reach your golden years.  Take a moment and invest in your future self and as always, thanks for reading my Trying to Change My Life blog.

Click on the link below to read:

Five Steps You Can Take to Prevent Dementia - Well-Being Wire - Daily Challenge - MeYou Health:


'via Blog this'

After you're done reading that, come back here and read about how to improve your life and be happy by writing a journal.

Thursday, September 18, 2014

Becoming Upset Over the Little Things and People Who Talk Too Much

I don't know what's wrong with me lately. I am becoming upset more easily by staff, and clients who talk too much. There are several people who are in this rehab that simply enjoy talking. The problem is they talk too much! And they never shut up.
Right now as I write this there are two people in the dining room with me and they are talking.  These are two of the people who enjoy talking way too much.

One of them really gets under my skin.  The sound of his voice irritates me and most of us here consider him to be a snitch.  He claims he’s been an IT manager in a corporate environment and that he used to sell meth amphetamine.  He does’t have the personality to be a dope dealer and he certainly doesn’t have the skills to have been a manager in a corporate setting.

I know because I’ve been a supervisor before.  It takes a certain kind of person to be able to supervise other people and he doesn’t have that. Why does he feel that he has to lie to us about his background. We are in a drug rehab facility and we’re all fucked up. If we weren’t messed up we wouldn’t need to be here!
I'm angry.  Leave me alone.


There’s another guy here who claims that he’s a lawyer.  We all know he’s lying but we let him have his imaginary life.  Most of here have been in trouble with the law and we know how a lawyer talks.  I used to date a lawyer and she enjoyed talking in pictures.  Every time she talked she’d try to paint a picture in my head so that I could understand her and grasp what she was saying.

At any rate, I’m no longer angry at the world.  I’m especially not angry at the people here.  The staff are great people.  They are very patient and they have been through what we’re currently going through so they know how to keep us in check.

I wrote the below text in a forum at pyschcentral.com.

I was really going through it these last couple days. Thankfully I knew that it was my addiction talking to me because I am trying to change my life. I saw everything that was bad about this drug program and everything that was bad with the counselor's here.

I was very mean with my counselor and I yelled at the assistant director. I was hopping they'd kick me out. They didn't because I told them a few weeks ago that when I get like that it is my addiction talking.

I was even angry at the woman that's helping me find a place to live when I leave treatment. I even wrote a blog post about it called My Housing Case Manager isn't Doing her Job.

Life can be funny. I am glad that I've learned when my addiction is talking because recently:

My addiction told me:

  • Leave treatment!
  • This place sucks!
  • You don't need these people!
  • These people are idiots!
  • You'll do ok on the streets!

Today I woke up and the world looked totally different. I felt better and I was appreciative that I have a place to live and that I'll soon be graduating this program.

As addicts we have to be careful. We have to learn to recognize when our addiction is talking to us and when it isn't.

I'm glad I stayed here. And I'm glad I'm still sober. I know that I'll be living on the streets again if I ever pick up a crack pipe again. I simply cannot control what happens to me when I smoke crack. It is too powerful. It is too strong.

I GIVE UP! I can't beat crack. I SURRENDER!

I can't control it and I can't control how much money I spend when I smoke the stuff. Crack won. I give up.

Thanks for visiting my blog.  If you haven’t yet, please read the article, How to Change Your Life and Be Happy.  And please be sure to post a comment with a link to your blog so I can visit J

Friday, September 12, 2014

The Daily Challenge and Self-Compassion Letter to Dear John

Recently I joined a website named the Daily Challenge. I joined it because I know I need help if I want to improve my life and be happy. I also joined because I’m going to be moving out of the rehab I’m in now in about four weeks and I want to establish some kind of support network online. 

At any rate, the Daily Challenge website sends its members a challenge every day.  The challenges are designed to help us grow both spiritually and emotionally.  A few days ago I received a challenge which was to write a letter to a friend that has an issue playing the same problems over and over in his head. 

Writing the letter is an exercise in self-compassion which is something I’ve been practicing for a few months.  Self-compassion is a great way to slowly change the inner dialogue in our head and to stop the endless negative chatter that calls us stupid.

I have this problem so I jumped at the chance to perform this daily challenge.  I wrote the letter below to my friend to help him let go of thinking about the same problems over and over.  I couldn’t think of a name fast enough so I choose the name John, as in ‘Dear John’. 

Dear John,
I know you had some issues with Monica and Mary Beth and you yelled at them.  You were only trying to protect yourself because you know what’s going to happen if you move to the Granada.
Go easy on yourself because you’re supposed to support yourself.  You were only doing what comes naturally.  Try to be cognizant of the fact that you are human and you make mistakes on a daily basis.
Think about only the good things in your life and you’ll experience only good things.  When you dwell on the bad, you get only more of that and you’ll never change your life for the better.

Thank for reading this Trying to Change My Life blog.  If you haven't read the post, How to Change Your Life and Be Happy follow the link in this sentence.

Please be sure to post a message below and insert a link back to your blog so I can check it out J

Running on Little Sleep

I slept only 4 hours last night and I have a lot of work to do today.  We had a bad day here at Ferguson Place.  One of the clients told staff th he smelled weed in our room and they searched another client's belongings.

They didn't find anything.  If they would've found drugs in his locker  they would have asked him to leave the program.  He's lucky he had the weed in his pants pocket.

Saturday, September 6, 2014

How to Improve Your Life and Be Happy by Writing a Journal

If you want to learn how to improve your life and be happy you should consider writing a journal. You can teach yourself to be happy by reading what you wrote a week ago, or even a year ago. While I was in a rehab facility called Walden House, one of the counselors there told me that all of the answers I need to improve my life are inside me.

I didn’t know what that counselor meant until I started writing a journal every day.  Not only is journal writing a good way to learn from yourself, you can also make things happen in your life simply by writing about them.  Use a journal to write what you want and pretty soon, it’ll manifest in your life.

To give you an example of what I mean when I say you can create what you want by writing it in a journal, I have to go back to 2005 when I first started journaling.  I was in another rehab then as well and one of the things I wrote a lot in that journal was, “I am a lucky guy.”  After a few weeks of writing those words in the journal, I won a game that was hosted by management and I found a 20 dollar bill on the floor.  I turned the money in and my counselor said if no one claimed it I could keep it.

Well, no one claimed the $20 and soon after that something else happened that proved to me the power of journaling.  If you’ve been reading this blog, you know that I started journaling again in an effort to change my life and be happy.  This time I write about having good days and I still write about being lucky.

The text below is a journal entry I wrote on Saturday, August 2, 2014. 

Learn How to Improve Your Life and Be Happy by Writing Positive Things


I had a good day today.  I’m so lucky; I always have a good day.  I understand that everything that happens to me happens for my own good.  In other words, everything that happens has a good outcome when it’s all said and done if I am patient and look for the good in everything.

Today I went to 16th and Mission to buy a ½ pound of tobacco.  I went with Rex, another client here at Ferguson Place.  Rex has been a good friend since I arrived here.  He helped me by giving me cigarettes and loaning me money when I needed it the most.  He is from a poor family in Washington State and he looks a lot like Hugh Hefner.  Rex is about 55 years old and he’s about 5 feet 8 inches tall. 

After I returned from 16th and Mission, I went to the library and spent about two hours there sending emails and performing research for the business I want to start.  I’m going to be successful this time and I’m not going to relapse. 

Getting a Hotspot so I can Make My Life Better here at Ferguson Place


I called my mom earlier today to talk about the WiFi hotspot she wants to buy for me.  She wants to get a T-Mobile hotspot.  I asked her to purchase a hotspot from http://mykarma.com but she insists on going with T-Mobile. 

My counselor asked for my weekly schedule today.  He approved some of my requests and said that I could spend one hour alone at the library or two hours with a buddy.  The counselors here at Ferguson Place don’t like clients in Phase 1 to go out alone because it’s too easy for us to relapse.  They do it for our own good and to keep us safe from outside influence.  

When I returned from the library I took a one hour nap and I felt a lot better.  I slept only 3 hours last night because I kept getting up to use the bathroom.  At one point I got up and smoked a cigarette on the front steps of the house, then I went back to sleep till nine a.m.

My chore in the house for this week is to clean the dining room which entails putting the chairs up on the tables and sweeping and mopping the floor.  I put up the chairs but I didn’t sweep or mop.  I’ll do that tomorrow.  I have too much work to do before I launch my new website business.

I worked until 11:15 today.  I read a lot of stuff on business and personal development.  It was a good learning session and I plan to use what I learned today in my business.

Thanks for reading my blog Trying to Change My Life.  Please be sure to share this article on Facebook and Twitter and please post a comment with your website’s link so I can visit your site.

Monday, September 1, 2014

Labor Day in San Francisco Rehab Facility

It is 8:50 p.m. here in San Francisco on Labor Day. We had a great time here at the rehab facility I’m living in. Every one of the residents pitched in and the festivities began at 3 o’clock as scheduled. Actually, I’m the one that said, “Let’s start eating!” at 3 o’clock and everyone followed my lead.
The text below is another journal entry.  This entry was written here at the rehab.  I don’t have very many of these old entries remaining.  After those are published on this blog, I’ll simply begin writing about my days here at the facility.  My discharge date from here is October 5th so I have only five weeks remaining.

My counselor at the Scattered Site Housing program hasn’t answered my email about sending me her supervisor’s contact information.  I’m not surprised because I sent her the email last Friday at 4:30 p.m. and it was a long weekend because of the holiday.  I’m having problems with her because she is supposed to find an apartment for me to move-in to after I complete treatment and so far she’s offered me only a hotel room as permanent housing.  I wrote about it here:  My Housing Case Manager is not doing Her Job.

Here is my journal entry for last month on Friday, August 1, 2014

I had a pretty good day today.  I went to the Salvation Army’s office in downtown San Francisco to see a woman named Ms. Davis to get two clothing vouchers at $30 apiece.  I don’t have any decent clothes to wear so my case manager at the Community Living Fund wrote a referral for me to see Ms. Davis who is a tall black woman with a nice personality.

When I arrived at the Salvation Army’s office a woman at the receptionist’s desk told me to go inside Ms. Davis’s office.  But when I entered her office, she became upset and told me to wait outside.  I thought, “Oh my God, I hope she doesn’t have a bad attitude.”  There was nothing to worry about as she was a very nice woman and she gave me three pairs of socks and told me to come back the next day because she didn’t have any more clothing vouchers.

I mistreated my case manager Mary Beth today.  I was short with her and I ended our weekly meeting extra quickly.  We didn’t spend more than ten minutes together when historically, we’ve spent a least a half-hour together every time we met.  I treated her that way because I thought her and my counselor here at the rehab were talking about me.

I had told my counselor at the rehab that Mary Beth was judgmental and that I didn’t like her anymore.  I also told him that I was going to stick it out with her to see what would happen.  She was very nice to me in our last meeting and she was nice in an email she sent me.  I figured that my counselor had spoken to her and told her what I thought about her, and that that’s why she was so nice to me.

I buddied a trans-sexual named Crystal to Popeye’s Chicken and she deviated by going to a friend’s apartment which was around the corner from the restaurant.  She told on herself to staff when we arrived back at the rehab and made me look like a liar.  Crystal is a piece of work.

She likes to talk so much she ratted on herself to the counselors just to have something to say to them.  I told her not to ask me to buddy her anywhere anymore.  She’s an idiot and I wish I didn’t have to talk to her.  She’s rude and likes to talk too much.

Thanks for reading my blog and being a part of my recovery as I try to change my life.  I'm not a very good writer, but I try to do my best.  Please be sure to post a comment below and insert a link back to your blog so I can read it :-)

Sunday, August 31, 2014

Writing a Journal while Living at Laguna Honda Hospital and Rehabilitation Center

I wrote the article below on June 6th, 2014, while I was living at Laguna Honda Hospital and Rehabilitation Center. Laguna Honda has a really great rehabilitation center which provides a number of therapies for patients with a variety of health issues. I was a patient at Laguna Honda for two months.
They treated me for a bone infection that I contracted after I had an operation to repair a metacarpal fracture on my left hand.  I got the operation at San Francisco General Hospital after I went to the emergency room at St. Francis Memorial Hospital.

The doctors at SFGH tried a lot of different antibiotics until they found that Vancomycin was working well at combating the bacteria.  Vancomycin is administered via an IV line so the doctors that were treating me ordered a PIC line installed in my right arm and sent me to Laguna Honda.

While I was at Laguna Honda I started a journal to chronicle the activities that occurred while I was there.  The text below was written on 6/6/14 after I'd had a long day.

Laguna Honda Hospital's New Building
It is 7:20 p.m. and I've had a long and challenging day.  I went to SFGH for an appointment with the plastics doctor.  He removed the two pins I had in my hand holding my metacarpal bone in place while it healed.  I still cannot bend the index finger on my left hand and it feels very stiff.  The doctor recommended that I continue to perform occupational therapy exercises so that the muscles in my hand can get back to normal.  

I broke the second metacarpal (index finger) of my left hand when I punched a guy in the face.  He tried to rip me off for a bag of heroin so I socked him so hard I busted my finger.  More than a few people said I should have just walked away and after suffering so much with my broken hand, I think they are right.

At any rate, the bone on my left hand was so badly broken the doctor had to install three large pins inside my hand to hold the bone in place so that it could heal properly.  He did a good job.  I still cannot bend my finger, but I plan on healing it by visualizing my hand as being normal.

There's a new nurse on my unit who started two days ago.  He enjoys saying that he's the best nurse in the unit and encouragers patients to call him the best.  He also enjoys spouting rules and regulations.  About an hour ago I asked him if he could change the dressing on my Pic line and he told me not to touch it and that it can only be changed once a week.

I lost my temper and loudly let him know that I've had this pic line in my arm for two months and that I know what has to be done.  I told him the dressing had to be changed because none of the other nurses did it during the week. 

To get to SFGH today I had to board a shuttle bus which included two other people from Laguna Honda.  One of those two people was an employee escorting a patient who is in a wheel chair.  She loudly shouted for me to board the shuttle as if she were my mother.  I ignored her and continue to talk to a friend while I waited for the shuttle bus drive to get in the driver’s seat.  

The shuttle driver wasn't ready to leave for the reason he was waiting for another passenger.  After it was discovered the other passenger already departed, I got inside the shuttle for the trip to SFGH.  When we arrived at the hospital the escort told me to follow her inside the hospital. 

I told her I was going to smoke a cigarette before I went inside the hospital.  For some reason she thought she was escorting me as well as the other Laguna Honda patient and that I had to do what she commanded.  I had to show her a document I received from my nurse that showed I didn't require an escort.  I think she just had a power trip going on because she was continuously yelling orders at the other patient.   

I smoked weed today.  I bought $5 worth of weed yesterday off a friend named Felix, so I smoked a half joint in the morning and a half joint after dinner.  I have a small joint left which I'm going to smoke after I'm done writing this journal entry.

I recently posted, How to Change Your Life and Be Happy.  Please be sure to post a comment and include a link to your blog or website.  

Saturday, August 30, 2014

How to Change Your Life and Be Happy Today

I entitled this post, How to Change Your Life and Be Happy Today because that's where I am in my life now. I have had so many 'bad years' that it's time to really hunker down in an effort to create positive change.  One of the things I'm doing to change my life is positive affirmations every day.  
I call it 'performing a mental exercise' because I lay in bed and say the same thing over and over for 10 minutes at a time.  That's the only way I know to create change.  And I've been able to create things almost instantly with an affirmation.

I've had tremendous success with positive affirmations in the past so I know that what I'm doing will lead to a better life for myself and my family.  The problem I've had in the past is not continuing to perform the mental exercise because of laziness or because I got into other things that occupied my time.

There are a lot of different ways to change your life, but I've discovered that affirmations are the best way and the fastest.  As long as you perform the mental exercise for 10 minutes every day, you'll get what you want.

What You Can Do to Change Your Life and Be Happy



What I do is say the same thing over and over until what I want happens.  For example, I was hired at a new job in 1992 and I wanted to increase my self-confidence so that I could appear cool, calm and collected.

To change and appear happy at work I created the affirmation, "I am confident, I express confidence outwardly" and I said it over and over every day.  In about a week, I began to walk with my head held high and I was able to talk to my co-workers and look them in the eye without feeling inferior.

Another time I wasn't feeling well for a long period of time.  I'd wake up feeling sluggish and tired almost every day.  I even began to fall asleep at my desk at work!  So I created the affirmation, "I feel good, I look good, I smell good".

After about two weeks of saying the 'I feel good' affirmation I woke up feeling very tired one day so I repeated the words, "I feel good" over and over and within 20 seconds I felt the tiredness leave my body.  It was an incredible sensation.  I could literally feel the tiredness drain out of my body from my head to my toes.

It was at that instant that I understood the power of positive affirmations and I knew I could create anything!  Now you know how to change your life and be happy.  Simply write an affirmation and repeat it every morning or every night for 10 minutes at a time until what you want manifests in your life.

Negotiated a Lower Payment for My Back Rent in Rehab Facility

I recently began receiving a presumptive benefit check from the Social Security Administration. I’m applying for SSI and they are paying me on a monthly basis until they make a decision on my case. If they approve my case, I’ll simply continue to receive benefits. If they deny my case, the payments will stop.
I received the check here at the drug rehab program I'm currently living in and the director and assistant director called me into the office.  The director asked to see my benefits approval letter from Social Security so I obliged by going upstairs to my room to fetch the letter.

After she read the letter she advised me that I had to pay back rent at the rate of $260 a month for 3 months.  I moved in here on July 8th and I wasn't required to pay rent because I didn't have an income.  But I signed a document that stated I would pay back rent in the event I began receiving benefits.

Stages of Negotiations
 Image Credit - Stages of Negotiation
After she asked for the back-rent payment, I told her that our definition of 'income' was different because I didn't consider the
presumptive benefit to be income.  And that I'd pay only September's rent.

We went back and forth until finally, the assistant director asked me if I'd be willing to pay the rent for August and September.  I agreed and saved myself more than $200.

My reasoning for not wanting to pay back rent was that I'll receive checks for only 3 or 4 months since Social Security almost always denies everyone the first time they apply.  I think the assistant director finally offered a concession because the director threatened to kick me out of the program if I didn't pay rent.

She said, "How about if you don't pay any rent and leave the program right now."  Of course I wasn't going to leave.  I have to stay here until I get housing.  I would be incredibly stupid if I abandoned treatment now because I have only 30 more days to go before I complete the required 90 days.

At any rate, I learned that everything is negotiable.  The truth is that I had to pay the entire three months of rent.  But because I began negotiating with management, I was able to get a discount and save money.

I'm Angry at PsychCentral for Publishing an Article Entitled Why Positive Affirmations Don’t Work

I'm extremely angry at Sophie Henshaw, a doctor of psychology who writes articles for the PsychCentral website.  I'm angry because she recently posted an article entitled, "Why Positive Affirmations Don’t Work".   She offered an alternative method for using positive affirmations, but the title of the article can be misleading.
Positive affirmations do work and if used properly, they can help anyone create the kind of life they desire.  I know this first hand because I've been using positive affirmations successfully for more than 25 years.  I've used affirmations to heal my bleeding gums, to get money and to become more confident around people.

Dr. Henshaw began her article by writing the following text:

Control your thoughts and you create your reality. A positive mindset begets positive end results. These popular tenets are espoused by the likes of Louise Hay, Napoleon Hill, Anthony Robbins and countless other self-help gurus. The problem is, they don’t actually work.

Believe me, positive affirmations are the only way to control your thoughts and get what you want (see the video below).  When you say an affirmation over and over you'll slowly begin to think about what you say in the affirmation, instead of those self-defeating thoughts you don't want to think about.  It's happened to me time after time, so I speak from experience!

The only reason so many people claim that affirmations do not work is because they give up before the affirmation manifests.  Or they tried an affirmation for only one week.  Some things take longer to manifest than others, but generally, you'll need more than one week to change your thoughts and create what you want.  Success and self-improvement go hand-in-hand, if you want to succeed in life you have to create some sort of self-improvement program.

A simple self-improvement program can be something like saying an affirmation every morning for 10 minutes at a stretch.  Let's call it 'performing a mental exercise'.   An affirmation that's said over and over for 10 minutes every day will not only help you change your thoughts, it will help you change your life.

At any rate, Dr. Henshaw's article talks about a study that was conducted which looked at how people phrased affirmations.  The study revealed that affirmations that were phrased in the form of a question yielded better results than affirmations that were phrased as a declarative statement.  She may be on to something, but she should change the title of her article.

Thanks for reading my Trying to Change My Life Now blog.  Please be sure to post a comment after you view the video below which was created by Dr. Wayne Dyer.

Change Your Thoughts Change Your Life


Friday, August 29, 2014

My Housing Case Manager is Not Doing Her Job


I’m currently in a drug rehab facility and I have a housing case manager that’s supposed to help me find a place to live once I complete the required 90 days of treatment.  The city of San Francisco created a program called Scattered Site Housing for chronically homeless people and people that may end up using county resources such as hospitals and shelters and even jail.

The program is going to pay my rent while I secure an income so I don’t have to pay any money up front.  I’m also in another program called the Community Living Fund which is going to pay my rent deposit and purchase furniture and anything else I need to create a decent home for myself.

When I begin getting a monthly check, I’ll pay 50% of my income for rent.  Meanwhile, I don’t pay anything at all.  It’s a sweet deal for me because it gets me off the streets, off drugs and it gets me started on the way to building a new life for myself. 

I am very thankful that I’m in the Scattered Site Housing program.  It is going to help me save my life.  Literally.  If you are an addict, you know what I’m talking about.

The problem I’m having is that my case manager hasn’t done anything for me except offer me an SRO (single room occupancy) room in the Granada Hotel.  I told her 3 or 4 times that I didn’t want to live in an SRO.  The Scattered Site Housing program is supposed to find me an apartment, not an SRO!

I have only 30 days left here in the rehab facility and I still don’t have an apartment.  I talked to my intensive case manager and she suggested that I contact my case manager for housing and tell her I want to talk to her supervisor. 

I sent my worker the following email:

Hi,

As always I hope you are doing well.  I'm writing to ask for your supervisor's name, phone number and email address. 

I'd like to setup a meeting with her to discuss my housing options and to ask if she can appoint someone else to help me find a place.

You've had my file for more than 60 days and the only option you have presented me with is the Granada.  I told you I didn't want to live at the Granada when we first met at Laguna Honda and you've offered it to me three more times since then.

The only thing I want is a decent apartment to live in while I change my life.  I thought that's why the city of San Francisco created the Scattered Site program.  An SRO is not an apartment.  I'm sorry it has come to this.  You told me that you'd do two things when we first met.

1. You said you'd find me an apartment.  
2. And that I'd have options.

Since I left Laguna Honda you haven't contacted me with any news on my file or for any other reason.  I had to call you, and you again offered me the Granada and I told you again that I didn't want to live there.  Then you called my case manager Mary Beth and told her you had a room available at the Granada.  And I said no again.

Thank you for understanding my position and for sending me your supervisor's name, phone number and email address.

I hope I can get a new housing case manager.  It is crunch time and I want to get out of this rehab.  I’m very confident that I can stay clean on my own.  Thanks for reading my Trying to Change My Life blog.

My previous post is Trying to Change My Life in Different Ways.  Check it out and please post a comment.  Thanks!

Thursday, August 28, 2014

Seeking Felix to Buy Mexican Bammer Weed





I had a session today with Dr. Austin. She seems to be checking me out to determine my mental capacity and acuity.  She was staring at me which is what made me realize she was checking me out.  She's very smart and I learned a lot from her in only few sessions.

I left the hospital today and I smiled when I got back.  I'm so grateful I'm here because I was in jail when they accepted me into their skilled nursing program.

Laguna Honda Hospital and Rehabilitation Center is a very nice place and the staff is top notch. They're very caring and not at all judgmental. When I left the hospital I took the 44 bus because it travels through Golden Gate Park.

For some reason I felt like taking the trip downtown via the scenic route. When I arrived downtown I went to Jones and Golden Gate Avenue to look for Felix, a friend I've known for about a decade.

I was looking for Felix for two reasons. The first reason was I wanted to see him and the second to buy weed. Felix and I have been selling marijuana on Jones and Golden Gate since 2005. We sold nickel bags of Mexican Bammer weed because it was a good seller.

He is Puerto Rican like me and we hit it off as soon as we meet on the streets of San Francisco.  When we met in '05 he was living with a crack addicted woman named Norma.  She was strikingly beautiful, but the drugs really did damage to her beauty.

I went to the post office to cash a money order my mom sent for $60 and I bought the weed from Felix.  I smoked it before I got back to the hospital.

Trying to Change My Life in Different Ways

I'm 49 years old and I'm trying to change my life for the better once and for all.  I've had a lot of successes in the past and somehow I always end up back on square one starting over.

My biggest challenge is overcoming a drug and alcohol addiction.  I've been addicted for 37 years and it is time to try something different.

To that end, this blog will serve as a journal which I will post to a couple of times a week.  Each post will detail what I've been up to and been through since the last post.  Please be sure to post a comment if something I said 'touches' you or if you have advice for me.

Advice on How to be Successful at Changing My Life is Welcomed



I welcome and accept any and all advice.  Life has taught me, the hard way, that I don't know it all and that we all have to accept advice from time to time.  Some of the best advice I receive is from my family and friends.

From time to time I attend Alcoholics Anonymous meetings here in the Bay Area.  Most meetings are very good and I learn a lot especially from the speaker discussion meetings.